idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
