sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
