i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
