Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Did I show you my penis last night?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
