walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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