I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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