a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
