Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The uberlube is also flammable
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
