if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
