I need help removing her.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
