I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
