Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
we have officially lost it.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
