i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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