and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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