Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Only a mothe r could love this liver
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
