when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My vagina is officially offended.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
