Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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