this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
