All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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