he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize
