Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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