maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
