in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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