wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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