There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
