awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
