No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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