I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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