Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Do you still have your period?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
