i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
