I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
