We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
