So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
