In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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