I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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