I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
