So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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