are you still at the devil's house?
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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