the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
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