you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
