she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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