Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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