I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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