Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
