did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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