I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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