also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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