Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
