You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
