We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
